because here and now

I sat in my room last night, the small rectangle I call mine, waiting for my roommate to get out of the bathroom and wishing for the day that I didn't have to wait anymore.

I began to wonder if on that day I would be happy and then worried that even then it wouldn't be enough.

Suddenly I realized that maybe I should be careful what I wish for, because one day I will be there and the person I can walk in on and won't have to wait for may be messy.

And he may leave toothpaste all over the sink and cupboards open, and he may hang up his shirts in the wrong direction.

And some days, even though I may love him and the little beasties we created together, there might be days where I don't like him and I will get angry.

There will be days that I am bossy and mean, and other days where I might cry over spilled milk and cereal, and there will be days that we don't do anything and I will feel like a failure. And days where the kids tell me I'm the worst.

There will be the day that finally comes where my life won't be my own anymore.

And my body won't be my own.

And maybe it really is about enjoying what we do have

Here

And now.

And maybe I should be ok if God continues to answer my prayers in ways I don't expect or necessarily want.