because kerouac

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars"

I'm drawn to the creative type. The ones who burn, the ones who pine.

Maybe it's because I feel like they understand.

It took me years to finally realize what it was I wanted to do and where I wanted to go with life and my career. And those years were a mess.

A beautiful mess of disaster and chaos. But it was worth it.

It was worth it to question and wonder and discover. To pull everything apart, including me, to find out who I am and what I want. To dig down deep and find my foundation.

So maybe that's why I like the mad ones. The ones who have rough edges and create beautiful messes, too. The ones who don't know all the answers but can read Wordsworth and kiss you with meaning. 

The ones who see beauty in the imperfection and still love passionately.

who he is

I went through a break up right before things started to go anywhere with Sol. I had met him a year previously in a romantic poetry class at school, then re-met him in January when we went on a couple dates, but my mind and heart were elsewhere with another boy. I wasn't sure how I felt just yet.

But then things changed and one night the thought of him entered my mind like it had several times before and I finally reached out. After that it was a whirl of overwhelming emotions. I had come to the conclusion that I needed something better, something good. I had spent so many relationships giving my 110% and only receiving 50 in return (if that). But Sol gave me 110. He gave me more than that. He was there every day, wanting to see me; bending over backwards to tell me how special I am. 

I was scared at first. Scared because it couldn't possibly be real. But it was and I soon found myself falling. Falling into the only abyss a soul is happy to be lost in. The things he said, the way he kissed me. The way he held me in his arms telling me how happy he was and that this was what he wanted. It was almost perfection. All the butterflies and tingles were there, the wanting to spend every second with him exploring his soul; his heart. He opened up, told me things he'd never shared with anyone else.

Sol made me feel important; safe. All those things everyone told you about how it's suppose to be when you meet the right one...It all made sense now.

I don't know what the future holds for us, I don't know if he is the one. But I can't wait to find out.

me

I'm 26. Single, correction, unmarried. There is someone in my life. He's important. Terribly important. I'm still in school with one year to graduation. And let me tell you that I'm ready to be recognized as someone with a viable set of skills worth more than an hourly wage. I'm studying English because somewhere deep inside I still dream of being a writer. Tucked away in a corner of the world, barefoot as I create a story that will fall into the hands of the world and never be forgotten. I sometimes write poetry. It's never any good, but the satisfaction of emptying all the words that tumble about inside in a chaotic version of beauty feels good.

I'm not perfect at anything, I swear every now and then. I love nature and twinkle lights. I try to enjoy the little things, but sometimes the big things are just as wonderful. I love good food, and have a soft spot for the occasional massive bowl of ice cream. I love office supplies. I love buying them, using them, lining everything up just so.

I come from a large family; religious at best. I believe in God and all that He has done and provided for me. I love people and making connections, hearing their life's story and learning. Always learning.

I'm not sure what will come from here. I wish to enlighten those with any interest on the subject of dating, love, friendship, family, life; to share my opinion. I apologize for any thing I may ever say that might frustrate or offend you. All my opinions are my own, formed from years of a caring family and a shorter time spent developing myself into the person I am today. Maybe all I really intend is just to tell you my story.