because sometimes i fall apart

I found myself on the bathroom floor at work crying this morning because. Because I like you so much and it scares me. Scares the hell out of me. Because what if you never like me as much as I do you and what if one day you realize that and rather than give yourself the chance you walk away...? It scares me because what if I lose you? I can't do this again - mend a heart that's been torn to shreds and bruised till nothing bleeds out of it but ash. I can't be alone, every night waiting for someone to come hold my fragile body, scarred from years of pain and struggle and happy moments.

I found myself on the bathroom floor because I feel that if this falls apart it will be all my fault because I don't know how to do anything right. I push too much, I care too much, I'm there too often, I need affection too soon.

Because my insecurities woke up yesterday with a vengeance and have torn at my heart and soul until I am no more than the tape and string that holds me together.